Why Is It So HARD to Ask For What We Need?

I found myself in an interesting situation which made me think about one of the components of DARING WAY™.  My chronically painful knee had swollen and was causing me more pain then normal.  I was having a difficult time walking, yet one of my daily routines included walking my dog.  The walk was strictly to get her outside to exercise and see other things than just the backyard.

My dog is six years old and has come to expect her walk around the same time every day or she gets anxious.  Most morning I make it happen, but on the weekends when my spouse is home around her walk time, I would hope the dog would magically get walked without me asking.  That got me thinking, why don’t I just ask?   I am one who is supposed to have learned how important it is to ask for what I want. Why is it not easy to remember or do?

So I had to reflect on this simple gesture and why it was as difficult for me to do as it is for many of my clients.

The following thoughts came to mind:

Sometimes we want others to read our minds.  This for some reason is comforting and seems to validate that the ones closest to us knows us enough to know exactly what we need without telling them.  That is a pretty heavy burden to put on another human being

Sometimes we don’t know what we want, but still expect others to know

Sometimes we think we need to be independent and accomplish things on our own at least so we can brag about how independent we are and our friends will agree

Sometimes we think it is weakness to ask for what we need and others will think of us as weak

Sometimes we think what we need is not important in the larger scheme of things

Sometimes we don’t ask for what we need because we might have to be prepared to give others what they need

Sometimes what we need is already there, but we can’t recognize it because it did not come in the package we expected

Sometimes we don’t want to be seen as needy because that term has such a negative connotation

And sometimes we don’t understand why we need what need